As I write this blog, it has been seven months since three males attacked me on my Saturday morning run. The whole ordeal lasted less than five minutes and I was unconscious for two of those minutes. I will never forget the feeling I had when I saw from the corner of my left eye, one of the three males turning around just after I had jogged past them. It was a feeling of both resignation and panic. I tried fighting and screaming but one had me in a choke hold whilst the second was punching my stomach and the third was searching for whatever valuables that could have been on me on that fateful morning. I am mostly thankful that they did not have weapons and that they did not rape me. The five minute ordeal took place in a well-lit place alongside a road. The chokehold made me unconscious and I don’t know when they ran off or what scared them off. I was not carrying any valuables except a bottle of water, a juice box, a banana and the pedometer on my hip.
I remember the episode like it happened yesterday. I remember the trepidation, smells, lights, my feet hanging off the ground as I was lifted up by the neck and even the last thoughts I had of my husband and son. I thought I was going to die and all that crap I heard that your whole life flashes before your eyes when you think you are dying did not happen to me. I just felt very sorry for my son and husband (guess they are my whole life). When I regained consciousness, I was lying on my side on the grass by the side of the road and I woke up kicking, screaming and lashing out but no avail as my attackers were long gone. So I arose, looked around to see if there was anyone close and ran the two minutes home; let myself in and called my husband who was in another country and a friend to come and keep me company since I was so terrified of being in my own home and assumed they had followed me back.
Then of course the paranoia hit. I felt very vulnerable and petrified all the time for about five months after the incident. I acted it, too. For example when walking, I would look back every minute or so to see if anyone is following me and I never used to do that before. I could run 15km without looking back. I didn’t completely stop running however because I didn’t want them to take that away from me and even if I was running in a crowded street and saw a man, two men or three men coming my way, I’d cross the street because they were all suspects . I was scared of every male I encountered. Sometimes even women looked dubious to me. A couple of friends invited me for runs in the hills, in the park and I still can’t go to this day. One day I tried walking through the arboretum and my heartbeat was so elevated I thought I would pass out from the terror I underwent.
I know this will scar me for a while but my experience is nothing compared to what other women and children go through in this world: Gang rape, beatings, acid burns, all forms of violence.
I was talking to some girl guides in Rwanda and one of them said: “We are human first and women second.” I reminisced about the impression of being, not human when I was attacked. I kept reflecting that this is how we treat chickens or goats when we slaughter them for meat before I passed out from the choke hold. There’s no dialogue, no commiseration, just total indifference, we just go on about our business and vamoose – which is exactly what these assailants did.
Reactions from people I have informed of this ordeal have been diverse. However, one stood out – which was mainly to blame me for being out at that time. This is the strangest thing. People expect the victim to be at fault. This is the same way as in rape cases, domestic violence cases all over the world. Investigators, friends, parents, husbands ask, “What did you do to exact such punishment? Did you make him angry, how were you dressed?”
To this I say, we need to live in world where a person wo/man is free to decide to go out to take a walk/run at midnight without feeling insecure. We need to live in a world where women are free to move without feeling endangered. We need to take back our streets, our homes, our world from would-be attackers. We are part of this world and we aren’t going anywhere! Why should we cower in fear as if this planet was only meant for men to live on? Why should we continue to live as second class citizens who can’t dress, talk, walk, behave the way we want to, go where we want to and when we want to? Why should we accept to be treated like animals?
Instead of blaming victims we should stop the silence!!
Punish the attackers, rapists, wife-beaters! We are accomplices in attacks on girls and women if we continue like this: Punishing gang-rapists with cutting grass.
Instead, we must make the world perilous for aggressors. We need to teach our sons to love and respect girls and women; we need to show our sons to respect women because charity begins at home. We need to roar from rooftops for violence against women to end. We need to scream out from the bottom to the top of our lungs for the judiciary, the police, the governments to outlaw and penalize severely any form of violence towards women.
They all must be held accountable for each of the one in three women who are victims of violence in their lives on this planet. This is not just a statistic and it’s not a women only fight because this is about our grandmothers, mothers, our aunts, our sisters, our daughters, our neighbors, wives, me. We need to teach our daughters to demand their rights, to fight back, demand justice and express themselves freely, challenge the norm and insist to grow up free from violence.
So I hope, a lot of activism is being planned by both women and men during the “16 Days of Activism” starting November 25 until December 10, against gender-based violence, to protect the majority of people on this beautiful planet: WOMEN.
Some examples of activism I support and am engaged in:
Inspire Freedom Campaign – Together for women and girls – Every 25th on the Say No- UNiTE website of the United Nations and the Community Action Guide with facts and ideas for activism.
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You speak the truth, a woman should be valued and treated with respect no matter what time of day or night, no matter what she is wearing and no matter how she looks or acts.
A woman gives life and should be honored for that fact alone. I agree that the punishments should be greater for any acts of violence against a woman.
Keep up the fight! The more awareness we bring to the problem the more we can do about solving it. We all must stand together for a change.
Makes me mad that they keep doing and getting away with such atrocities. This is all over, not just in Africa. A change has to be made. I will keep praying for your healing.
Bless you for sharing your ordeal, it opens our eyes to the naked cruelty that continues to shadow our humanness. Communities are built from support, freedom, love and respect so we continue in this vain for a better more transparent future for us, our children and those we will leave behind.
Queen B, I feel you…first am very sorry for what you went through. Its very sad that women go through all that and yet they should be considered most valuable in society. I think generations are changing, in older general men would never beat women…. with out humane! kids and women were valued and protected unlike today. Together we shall get to safety.
Lets fight violence, nothing is impossible, we will conquer it one day, Brenda kudos, good work and may the Lord give you the courage to forgive the attackers
Good work Brenda go go go!
It’s sadly true that our lives are now under the control of these fears; and to re-confirm my fears, I cancelled my plans for an evening jog after reading about your experience Brenda -now I feel that I shouldn’t have. But the thought of not seeing my family, friends, and dreams for tomorrow drove me straight to my bed. We must stop this. We must come together and address these concerns. We need a safe today.
Tough talking about a personally traumatic incident.
Great message on teaching our sons and daughters to live responsibly and love abundantly. Lets talk about our violent episodes, so that no one else has to endure such pain. Thumbs up!
Lovely, and well written.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I must admit I didn’t know how to support you when I heard, hence I probably didn’t do a good job at that! I was very sad and angry! It’s s scary and ugly that violence against women is a norm in our society. Thanks for this informative piece…awareness is the first step. Love you dada